Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
