And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
We are all done wearing pants today
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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