Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Randomize
