Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
