Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
