I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
