the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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