Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize
