In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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