Ambien. No doubt about it.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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