its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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