God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
