i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
