you turned your livingroom into a bong?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
