god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
