After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
