he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
