i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
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