When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
