Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
