i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
