Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
