So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
