So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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