remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Randomize
