I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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