ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
