Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
