did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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