Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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