Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
