it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I don't think brook has ever known best
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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