i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
