OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
