So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Hippo gnu deer
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Randomize
