i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
