Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
