we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
