why didn't you poke me back
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Terrible idea I love it
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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