Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
not ubering you a puppy
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
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