New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
last night I used snow as a chaser
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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