I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think people are normalizing furries
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
