Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Randomize
