question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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