the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Just high enough for therapy.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
