I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
