this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
