So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
