i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
