god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Randomize
