my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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