She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
