so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
