she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
