You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
