is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
