I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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